Let me give you just a little back story so you can understand. I have 2 children, EB and PJ. EB is 11 this year and PJ turned 4. 4 years ago right before he was born we found out my mother in law had cancer. Shortly after he was born we discovered my mother had cancer. Both live very close to us in the same town. Thankfully my sister in law still lived at home and was old enough to really help my MIL. However the situation at my house was much different. My mother was very sick and I had 2 siblings that needed to be taken care of and a father that traveled for work and couldn't be there all the time. Although he was there as much as possible, there were a lot of times he had to be working. It was during the long nights at my mother's house and needing to be there to take care of her and my brother and sister I decided I needed something to keep my mind off everything and keep my hands busy. Honestly, I probably should have just taken up knitting, instead being my father's daughter, I started a business. As I ran my business, I realized I was good at it. Within a little over a year my family was healthy and my house was filled with fabrics, notions, patterns and so much more. Within 4 years we had converted a bedroom, sitting room, and 1/2 of the dining room in to work space. The business started actually making some money, allowing me to bring on a couple of employees that needed an extra hand. Phil went back to school and will be finishing his AA this winter.
The business has thrived, but I struggled with whether I should keep going or let it go. There have been attacks over the years, things that sent many other people into a panic. New laws that made it almost impossible for small at home seamstresses to continue on, large manufacturers that came in and sucked up all the market share, and of course lots and lots of competition, moms at home that all need to make a little bit of extra money. Some how through all that, a down turned economy, and global panic, we not only survived but continued to grow. Still, I wasn't sure. Should we close up shop, sell off what's here, and call it quits? Or keep going and see where God can take us? I just never could see a clear answer.
So I turned to my old friend Gideon, because God was always patient with him and he always answered him. It wasn't until our Pastor preached though that I realized, God couldn't DO anything with Gideon until he moved. Gideon wasn't moving, so God couldn't use him. Oh, but when Gideon finally got it in himself to move, God used him in a mighty, mighty way. But Gideon had to stop doubting, stop fearing and do something. It didn't have to me much of anything, but it's always easier to guide an object that's moving.
I look at my 230# dog and realize that if I want him to move, I'm going to have to some how get him up and going on his own to start, because if he's laying on the ground, dead weight, he's not going anywhere.
Another example that God showed me this week was while EB was at her riding lesson. She's preparing for a riding show in a couple months, this will be her first riding show ever. So her teacher is trying to prepare her. Mel was explaining the other day that when you are in the ring the judge only gives 1 command at a time. So if they say, riders walk your horses, you are to walk them. Then if they say riders reverse, you are to reverse your horse and keep WALKING, you do whatever the command was before you received the new command. So if it was stop, walk. You stop walk, stop, but whatever the command you keep going until you receive a new instruction.
In applying that to my life I have to keep moving. There has to come a point I stop testing God. I stop asking God for sign after sign after sign, and I accept that the answer is in front of me. God's not going to push me into what He has or what He wants me to do; and if I'm moving He can guide me where I need to go. I don't have to take huge steps, I just have to be moving. So what am I going to do?
I'm going to keep moving. I'm going to get up today, get everything ready, sit at my sewing machine and make some new items. I'm going to put them up on my site, package the orders waiting to go out, clear out my paypal payments, and get ready for a youth lock in. I'm going to move, even if slowly at first and see what it is God has waiting for me. I'm going to let Him direct me. I'm going to follow the last command He gave me until I receive a new one.
I believe God has put the answer in front of me. That He is directly me, that I should keep going. That in the end there is a blessing I won't be able to contain.